"We've eliminated your position."
So, this all started when I got laid off from my job on June 5th, 2020, 5 days after my 4th anniversary with the company. It was a good 4 years, but my workplace was in a constant state of flux, which created a culture of...temporary-ness. I had seen many people be affected by headcount reductions in those years, but I hung on. I had a much longer run than most, the average retention across all departments was less than a year.
I got my life together while working at this company. Really, when I started there I was in debt, grieving for my recently deceased mom, living in a shitty apartment with tweakers for neighbors, still working a part-time retail job because I needed that sense of security just in case they got rid of me. I had PTSD from years of being treated like shit in customer service jobs. I was tethered to a city I hated, I had very few friends, and was broke as fuck.
All of that cleared up, though. I paid off my debts and started rebuilding my credit. They moved me to full-time and offered me more money, so I was able to quit my second job. My debit card stopped getting rejected and eventually, that anxiety subsided. I moved into a nicer apartment and started to like the city, made a couple of friends. Being out of the retail setting allowed my rage to mellow enough that I no longer fantasized about what I'd say to the people who were jerks to me if I ever saw them again.
My longtime desire to have tattoo sleeves and dress with some style started to come to fruition. I started doing yoga and got a Costco membership, two things that truly signified that I was out of financial trouble. And I was grateful, grateful, grateful. The anxiety inherent to the scarcity mindset that I had lived in for so long will never entirely leave me and I hope it never does. It's not that if you're always on edge bad things won't happen to you or you'll see them coming or something. That's crazy talk. As corny as I find all of the talk of mindfulness and gratefulness, I just want to avoid feeling entitled because that's a whole other source of anxiety.
Anyway, it was a good 4 years. I'm super pissed off and embarrassed that it was finally me who got cut, but I am grateful for the massive amount of change I was able to accomplish.